no, he came in my armpit
she smelled like a LAN party
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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