Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So drunk its hurt
Don't make out with my wife yet
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize