I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
