He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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