I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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