My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
