so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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