Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
