I've blown a few things in my day
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
