I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
