I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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