u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
