You're completely useless in the revolution.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
