We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
