just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
