Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!

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(360): View more from Washington

If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.

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(905): View more from Toronto

I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it

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(702): View more from Nevada

He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now

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(954): View more from Florida

It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.

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(914): View more from New York

Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts

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(845): View more from New York

So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.

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