That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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