Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
