Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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