god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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