the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
