Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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