Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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