Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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