I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
