We're facebook friends in real life
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
