8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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