WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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