It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i now understand why vodka
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Couch. On fire.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
