They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
