Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize