nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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