Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Someone shit on the floor
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
