I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
