babies were throwing up all over the place
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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