i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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