She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
