I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We had sex on a dog bed..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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