The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize