I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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