Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
