someone threw a dead crab at me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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