oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
