My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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