yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
