do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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