I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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