Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize