There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize