You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
