Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
