I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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