Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize