Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
COCAINE IS GR8
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
