The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
false alarm, still single
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
