I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
