i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
