I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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