I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
