Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
