I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
