She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
