So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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