you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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