he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
