I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
