did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
