i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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