You really coming over, don't trick.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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