ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
